


Communication Error

by SUNicorn (Strider_Sis)



Series: MakoNagi Week 2015 [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Name drops happen but mean little, Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:01:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strider_Sis/pseuds/SUNicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto hasn't been using his words, and it's making Nagisa uneasy.  The balance they strike so easily when surrounded with their friends is harder to find now that they're living together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Communication Error

**Author's Note:**

> MakoNagi Week Prompt 2: Words! 
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this. I want to thank the ever-lovely multifandomnerd for betaing and helping me when I got stuck. Your encourgement and assistance is greatly valued and appreciated!

Despite both coming from big families, Makoto and Nagisa have learned very different lessons from their siblings.  Makoto learned to be quiet, to put others before himself.  As the big brother, he must be reliable and sturdy.  He must be someone his family can rely on to hold down the fort when his parents aren't home.  He must put his siblings first because they’re younger and have had less practice with sharing and being considerate and selfless.  Passivity and compromise are his default settings.  His fight with Haruka cements this.

 

In contrast, Nagisa learned that he must be loud and consistent about his needs and desires to be heard over his sisters.  The only way to get a group of headstrong girls to listen is to shout your opinion until they realise that you have one.  Persistence and determination drive him every time he asks for something.  His struggle to get his parents to let him stay on the swim team he worked so hard to form strengthens his resolve to voice his opinions instead of avoiding confrontation.

 

Each of their experiences have molded them into the people they are today, and that dynamic between them which works so well when they’re with their friends isn’t quite the same once they’ve finally moved in together.

 

* * *

 

It’s Wednesday, and they’ve managed to squeeze a lunch date into their busy schedules.  Makoto lets Nagisa pick the restaurant, and they end up in a cute little western-style cafe a short walk from Nagisa’s school’s campus. Makoto, uncertain of the menu, tells Nagisa to order for him.  He does so with glee, and chatters excitedly through the meal about his day and what the lecture in his astronomy class was about.  Makoto picks at his food and smiles at Nagisa, not saying much except a few phrases or questions here and there to encourage Nagisa to keep talking.  It’s only when Nagisa has finished his own meal that he notices how Makoto has barely touched his.

 

“Mako-chan, aren’t you hungry?”  A look of surprised guilt crosses Makoto’s face, as if he’s ashamed of something.  As if not eating is a horrible, terrible thing, and being caught not doing it is to guarantee your social downfall.  

 

“No, no, I am!  Honest!  It’s just…”

 

“Just?” Nagisa prompts.

 

“I can’t really eat bacon.  It makes me feel a little nauseous.” He smiles apologetically at Nagisa as he says this, and rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck.  Nagisa stares back in disbelief.

 

“Mako-chan, you should have said so!  I wouldn’t have ordered that for you if I had known!”  Makoto shrugs.  Nagisa bites his lip, thinking it over.  

 

“Do you want me to finish it instead?  We can order something else for you.”  

 

“That sounds good, Nagisa.  Thanks.”

 

“It’s okay Mako-chan.  In return, you have to tell me next time something like this happens, alright?”  Makoto smiles his warm spring day smile and agrees.  Nagisa smiles back, and shrugs off the unease that is trying to settle over him.  After all, Makoto had asked him to order for him.  He had probably just forgotten to mention about the whole bacon thing before asking, and felt uncomfortable mentioning it afterward.  He was adorably awkward like that.

 

* * *

 

It’s Friday, Nagisa and Makoto’s designated date night.  This week they’ve decided to get take-out and watch a movie in the comfort of their own apartment.  Nagisa gets out of class earlier than Makoto is released from his part-time job, so he picks up the food on the way home.  A selection of Nagisa and Makoto’s favourites from a small family-run shop a few blocks from their apartment fills the rustling plastic to bulging.  Nagisa trips merrily up the stairs to the second floor of the complex they live in and soon bursts through their front door in a bundle of excitement and energy.

 

“I’m home!”  Makoto leans out of the bedroom down the hall to smile at him.    

 

“Welcome home, Nagisa.”  The young man kicks off his shoes in a hurry and rushes to greet Makoto, wrapping him in a hug and thwarting him as he’s trying to change out of his work shirt.  He plants an enthusiastic kiss on Makoto’s lips.

 

“Mako-chan, you beat me home!” Makoto chuckles warmly.  “This time.  I see you got dinner.  Give it to me, I’ll take it to the kitchen and put it on plates while you queue the movie.”

 

“Okay!”  Nagisa surrenders the bag to Makoto and heads to their living room.  It’s a small but welcoming space, and perfectly cozy for two.  Nagisa pulls the movie he borrowed out of its bag where it’s resting beside the t.v.  He quickly turns everything on and puts the d.v.d. in the tray, snatching up the remote before moving a few steps across the room to fall bodily onto the couch.  He allows himself to bounce once on the springs before holding the remote aloft and pressing the eject button.  Makoto joins him in the living room with two plates of dinner as the tray is sliding closed.  He offers one to Nagisa as he puts the other on the small coffee table.  

 

“Here.  I’ll just go back and grab the drinks and then we can start, okay?”  Nagisa accepts the plate from him, beaming at Makoto.

 

“Okay.  Thanks, Mako-chan!”  Makoto smiles, and slips out of the room to do just that, Nagisa carefully adjusting himself, his dinner and the remote on the couch so that his feet are tucked up under him.  Makoto joins him as the trailers start.  He places both drinks on the table and pulls it a little closer so that they’re easier to reach.  Then he picks up his own dinner and sits down, Nagisa snuggled up against him.  Nagisa selects play and puts the remote to the side.  They give their thanks for the food in unison and begin to eat as the movie starts.

 

Tonight’s choice is a western film called “Scary Movie”.  Nagisa had been dying to watch it ever since he heard about it, and when Sousuke had said he had a subtitled version the boy had nearly exploded in excitement.  After multiple reassurances that the movie wasn’t very scary at all, and in fact very funny, Makoto had hesitantly agreed to watch it with Nagisa.  

 

About ten minutes into the movie, Makoto puts his half-eaten dinner down on the table and grabs the pillow sitting to his right.  He pulls it into his lap and squeezes it, squeaking each time the antagonist is on screen.  Nagisa is so invested in the movie, he doesn’t notice.  He’s roaring with laughter at the parts that have Makoto hiding behind the pillow, and comfortably sitting through scenes that have Makoto squirming in his seat.  It’s only when they’ve made it through half of the movie and Makoto has been reduced to a quivering mess that Nagisa notices his fear.  Immediately, he pauses the movie and turns to Makoto, reaching for the terrified man with small hands.

 

“Mako-chan?  Mako-chan, I’m so sorry!  Are you okay?”  Makoto abandons the pillow to hug Nagisa, pulling the smaller boy into his lap and hiding his face against his shoulder.  Nagisa hugs him around the shoulders and rubs his back.  He doesn’t need an answer to his question anymore.

 

“Mako-chan I’m sorry.  I didn’t notice how scared you were.  We can stop watching it now, okay?”  Makoto nods against Nagisa’s shoulder, squeezing him closer.  Nagisa casts about for the remote and, upon locating it, stops the movie completely and opens the d.v.d. tray.  Once certain that the pause-screen won’t terrify Makoto when he finally comes out of hiding, Nagisa returns to rubbing his back soothingly.  They stay like that for a while, Makoto breathing in the smell of Nagisa’s strawberry body wash while Nagisa presses soothing kisses into his hair.  He savours the comforting warmth in his lap as Nagisa hums the tunes of pop songs he likes in an attempt to calm Makoto further.  Eventually, Makoto stops shaking, and Nagisa pulls back to offer him a worried smile.

 

“Do you want to watch My Neighbour Totoro?” he asks, and Makoto nods furiously.  Smiling, Nagisa presses a tender kiss to Makoto’s forehead and climbs from Makoto’s lap.  He switches out the d.v.d.s and rejoins Makoto, opting to sit in his lap rather than on the couch.  Grateful, Makoto wraps his arms back around his boyfriend and snuggles him closer as Nagisa presses buttons on the remote.  The movie starts, and the pair relax as the jaunty theme begins to play from the speakers.  

 

As they’re changing into their pyjamas, Nagisa eyes Makoto.  He seems okay now, but Nagisa can’t get the image of Makoto shaking on the couch next to him out of his head.

 

“Mako-chan?”  Makoto turns his attention to Nagisa with a questioning hum and a smile.

 

“Are you going to be able to sleep okay?”  

 

“I think so,” he answers after a moment of hesitation, and it worries Nagisa.  However he opts to believe him.

 

“Okay.  Wake me up if you need to, alright?”  Makoto nods in return to Nagisa’s request.  Although he’s still not quite reassured, Nagisa smiles.  

 

“Alright!  I’m tired.  Time to sleep!” he declares and climbs into bed.  He snuggles beneath the blankets, Makoto crawling in after.  They settle comfortably around each other, Nagisa facing away and Makoto spooning him.  Once they’re situated, Makoto reaches behind him and turns off the light.

 

“Goodnight, Mako-chan,” Nagisa murmurs.  A kiss is pressed to the back of his head as Makoto’s arm settles across his waist.

 

“Goodnight Nagisa.”  

 

Once he’s sure that Makoto’s asleep, Nagisa carefully rolls over to watch him.  Makoto’s weak assurances that he’d probably be okay and that he’d wake Nagisa if he needed to hadn’t calmed him.  He wants to be there for Makoto if he has a nightmare, and the best way to do that is to stay awake.

 

However, he’s exhausted from the week behind him and staying up late watching movies, and eventually that exhaustion coupled with how warm he is and Makoto’s steady breathing lull him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Nagisa finds himself waking again a few hours later to a still-dark room.  He blinks blearily as he tries to pinpoint what it is that woke him.  The first thing he notices is that Makoto isn’t lying down and it’s then that he realizes he can hear sniffling.  Suddenly more awake, he bolts upright to find Makoto sitting and hugging a stuffed dolphin to his chest.  There are tears in his surprised eyes and running down his cheeks.

 

“Mako-chan?  What’s wrong?!”  Nagisa hurriedly reaches out to swipe at Makoto’s damp face, his sleep-addled brain keeping him from putting two and two together and realizing that his concerned hovering had been justified.  

 

“S-sorry I woke you up,” Makoto chokes, and Nagisa frowns involuntarily at the sentiment.  “I didn’t mean to.  I-it was just a nightmare.”

 

“Mako-chan, I _told_ you to wake me up.  You don’t need to apologize.”  Makoto sniffles.

 

“But I feel bad…”  Nagisa bites back the sigh that threatens to fall from his lips.

 

“You shouldn’t,” he replies firmly, and Makoto squeezes the dolphin closer.  With a lopsided smile, Nagisa drops the subject.

 

“It’s okay.  Here, let’s turn on the light, okay?”  He leans across Makoto’s lap and flicks on the lamp.  Warm light floods the familiar room, and Makoto returns Nagisa’s smile shakily when he leans back.  

 

“What can I do to help?” he asks, and Makoto ponders the question.

 

“Um… I like listening to you talk… I find it really soothing.  So… could you just… talk to me?”  Nagisa nods immediately.  

 

“Of course Mako-chan!”

 

Makoto falls back asleep to Nagisa’s voice, bubbling gently through the room like a creek as he talks about anything and everything.  His classes, their friends, his favourite history documentary, his sisters, Makoto’s siblings, club activities, the new cafe he found with the really adorable chocolate drizzled strawberry shortcake… his words wind aimlessly through subject after subject until his voice is hoarse and the breathing of the boy next to him has evened out and slowed.  Snuggling into Makoto’s side, Nagisa closes his eyes and shoves down the uneasiness Makoto’s silence has once again caused.

 

* * *

 

They sleep in the next morning.  Once they’re awake they linger, content to catch up on rest and snuggle together in a warm, safe space.  They eventually begin to rise, slowly moving around and with each other as they go through their morning routine.  Eleven o'clock finds them at their small kitchen table set by the window eating bowls of cereal.  

 

After their late brunch, Nagisa smiles across the table at Makoto.  

 

“Hey Mako-chan, wanna go on a date today?”  His answer is accompanied by a sunbeam smile.

 

“Sure.  Did you have anywhere in mind?”  Nagisa shakes his head.

 

“How about we just go for a walk?  See where the wind takes us!”  Makoto chuckles.  

 

“Sounds like an adventure.”

 

They get dressed and head out the door with nothing more than their keys, wallets and phones.  The amble slowly through the town, Nagisa providing commentary on their surroundings as they pass through neighbourhoods and parks, markets and campuses.  They buy crepes from a truck and eat them as they wander aimlessly.  The day is pleasant, and Nagisa is starting to feel as though the uneasiness he has felt lately is just paranoia after all.  Caught up in the moment, he points to a sign advertising a festival to be held in the park they're in.  

 

“Mako-chan look!  That’s next weekend!  Can we go, can we?”  Makoto smiles, but there’s uncertainty in his eyes.

 

“Sure,” he answers, and Nagisa’s cheery mood shatters, dread filling him as he realises in a split second that there’s something Makoto isn’t telling him.

 

“Mako-chan,” he begins hesitantly, as if scared he’ll step on broken glass, “Are you sure you’re free that day?”  Makoto nods.

 

“I’ve got work in the morning that day and the day after because my coworker can’t come in those days, but it’s fine.  I’ll have extra time off during the evenings this weekend to make up for it, and the festivals at night, after I get off.”

 

Nagisa frowns, but says nothing.  His brooding silence worries Makoto, but he isn’t sure how to ask what’s wrong, especially when Nagisa’s giving off the kind of impression Haru used to when someone asked him about the future.  Nagisa suddenly meets his gaze, and the smile on his face is forced, a mask covering what’s brewing underneath.

 

“I’m done with my crepe, so let’s go home!” he declares.  Worried, but scared something will shatter if he asks, Makoto nods, and numbly follows Nagisa back to their apartment.

 

When they get home, Nagisa kicks off his shoes and rushes through the apartment to their bedroom.  

 

“I’m taking a nap!” he calls over his shoulder, and doesn’t invite Makoto like he usually would.  Makoto doesn’t believe him for a minute, but lets Nagisa have his space.  He has a paper he needs to work on for one of his education classes anyway.  If it takes him a long time to focus on the computer in front of him and not his boyfriend in the next room, that’s something he can keep to himself.

 

* * *

 

A couple hours later, Nagisa emerges and joins Makoto on the couch.  He rests his head against Makoto’s shoulder as he types, staring blankly at the computer screen.  Eventually, he shifts to look at Makoto.

 

“Hey Mako-chan?”  Makoto hums and continues typing.

 

“Mako-chan, I want to talk to you about something.”  Makoto finishes his sentence and turns his head to meet Nagisa’s gaze.  He looks dejected, and it worries him.

 

“What is it?”  

 

“You don’t rely on me very much Mako-chan.”

 

Confusion flashes behind Makoto’s eyes and his eyebrows furrow.  Slowly, carefully, he closes the laptop and puts it to the side before responding.

 

“What do you mean?”  Nagisa draws quickly back from his shoulder and pouts at Makoto.

 

“You never tell me anything!  The foods you don’t like, how your day was, when you don’t like a movie… you won’t rely on me when you’re scared or sad or lonely, you just try to tough it out on your own.  You hardly ever use your words to tell me what you’re thinking or how you feel!  It’s hard to understand what’s going on when you don't say anything!”  

 

As he’s speaking, Nagisa gets up and begins to pace, unable to hold all his concern and frustration without moving.

 

“You’re always just trying to take care of me and going along with what I want, Mako-chan!  Half the time I find myself wondering if you’re really enjoying yourself, and it scares me!  You won’t let me in!”

 

He stops his pacing to stand in front of Makoto, teary-eyed.

 

“What do I have to do to get you to open up to me more?!”

 

Makoto sits where he is, shell-shocked.  He’s been so worried since they moved in together that he would annoy Nagisa or make trouble for him or put too much pressure on the younger boy.  He hadn’t realized…

 

“Nagisa…” he breathes, at a loss for words.

 

Nagisa is nearly vibrating with the sheer volume of his emotions as Makoto scrambles to put his thoughts in order.

 

“I see.”  Nagisa stares in disbelief at Makoto.  A two word answer.  That was it?

 

“That’s _exactly_ what I’m talking about Mako-chan!” he cries, frustration winning through.  Makoto smiles apologetically.

 

“Sorry.  I don’t know what you expect me to say though.”

 

“I don’t _want_ you to apologize, or say what I expect you to!  I want to know how you’re feeling about all this, I want to know why.   _Talk_ to me, Mako-chan!”  While talking, Nagisa comes to kneel before Makoto, and takes his hands to clutch in his own.  The next thing he says is quiet, barely a whisper.  “ _Please_.”  

 

Makoto gulps and squeezes Nagisa’s hands in return.  His mind is swirling in conflict, but in the center of it all is an echo of Nagisa’s desperate cry that he wants to know how he feels.  So, bracing himself, Makoto takes a deep breath and tries to put it all into words.  

 

“I’m scared,” he admits.  “I don’t want to cause trouble for you, or, or annoy you, or put pressure on you to help me when you’re already busy enough as it is.  I just… I love what we have, and I don’t want to lose it because of my own selfishness.”

 

It’s haphazard, and awkward, and given more time to think he probably could have worded it better, but he’s said it.  He isn’t sure what kind of reaction he’s expecting, but the realization on Nagisa’s face isn’t it.  

 

“Mako-chan,” he murmurs, slowly shifting forward.  “Mako-chan,” he repeats, wrapping his arms around Makoto’s shoulders from his awkward position on the floor.  “Mako-chan.”  He climbs into Makoto’s lap while hugging him and settles straddling Makoto’s thighs and leaning into his chest.  Makoto hugs him tightly in return and the two cling to each other as they revel in having everything out in the open.

 

“Mako-chan, I’m not going anywhere,” Nagisa finally says, and he’s _understood_ , breaking the silence that had lapsed between them.  “So be more selfish with me, okay?  I’ll help, so promise me you’ll practice.”

 

Makoto nods, and Nagisa chuckles.  “Your _words_ ,” he gently prompts, and Makoto feels relieved tears well up as he opens his mouth.

 

“I promise to practice,” he mumbles, and Nagisa gives him a squeeze.  

 

“I’m glad.  Mako-chan, I’m so glad.”

 

* * *

 

 They don't go to the festival that weekend.  Instead, they stay home and argue over what movie to watch in between loads of laundry.

 

* * *

 

Now, Makoto uses his words more often.  He still puts others before himself more often than he should, and compromises instead of confronting others, but with Nagisa he allows himself to be more assertive.  With every word of encouragement, every dumb little argument over what to eat or what movie to watch that ends in laughter and loving kisses, he’s getting better.  Nagisa too is changing.   He's getting a little more mature, a little more responsible.  He’s compromising better.  Together, they’re helping each other learn what they didn’t know before, and the balance they’ve struck is one they’ve always had- there’s just more weighing on it now.


End file.
